How to Style Thrifted Clothes
Shouts & MurmursTake those designer jeans and lay them on a baking sheet. Sprinkle lightly with sea salt.Photograph by Betsie Van der Meer / GettyHi, thrifters! You’ve probably just come from the thrift store and are wondering, O.K., I nabbed this fantastic second-chapter treasure, but how do I wear it? HOW DO I WEAR THE NEW OLD CLOTHES I’VE BOUGHT?! HOW??? Don’t worry! We’ve got style tips for you.Take the bottom hem of that A-line skirt and twist it into a point. Twist, twist, twist! Now grab a hair tie (I know!) and wrap it around the point. Pull that over the top of the waistband and down until your full underpants are showing. You did it! Go, girl!Your almost perfect wedding-guest dress is missing a thread of beads. Not to worry! Cover up those five to a hundred missing beads with a sticker from your favorite nonprofit organization. Now the groomsmen will know two things—that you are fiiine, giiirl, and that you give five dollars a month to the N.R.D.C.OMG, you found a gorgeous wool jacket, but it’s a little stuffy. Unbutton it, and invert the sleeves. Reach around and pull its hood through. Rest the hood on your shoulder, place your wallet and your keys in the jacket hammock you’ve created, and rock your totally original shoooulder baaag—but keep an eye on the ground ’cause your wallet and keys will fall out.Take those designer jeans (thank you very much!) and lay them on a baking sheet. Sprinkle lightly with sea salt and leave them in the sun for anywhere between four days and two weeks. Never wash them—it is so important that you never wash them, girrrl!Shoes one size too big? No problem. Cut the bottom two inches off your winter coats so all the stuffing falls out. Put toilet paper in your shoes. O.K., supermodel!Shake up the stiff formality of those new country-club khakis by drawing some cartoon bears on the thighs with a navy Bic pen. Or cartoon cars. Or unicorns. Or just some big eyes. Queen!Supes cute sundress! Tuck its hem into the top of your yoga pants so that the dress bulges, creating the illusion of an oblate spheroid. Strut that runway with your arms and legs poking out of your thorax and looking sooo long!Could your dress use more shape? Easy! Take a wide belt and wrap it around the top of your right thigh. Slip a knife in there. Step into the dress and wear it as is, but with a hat. Now you’re prepared for the sun, a big meal, and unsuspecting marauders. Hawt!Turn that knitted hat into a skirt—YES, I SAID IT—by stapling the hat to a skirt. Look at it. Look what you’ve made! Think about it. Think about your hat-skirt, and also whether you’ve created something fabulous or just stepped into a black hole of confusion and waste. I know you miss wearing T-shirts. I know you do. But you can’t anymore—you’re a woman now, and you have to elevate. You’re a woman, giiirl. Meow.Put on five necklaces. Make sure that four of them are costume jewelry you dug out of a fishbowl at the thrift store, and that one was your grandmother’s, passed down to you through generations, and full of personal meaning and familial significance. If a stranger in a restaurant bathroom says, “I love your necklaces,” respond quickly with, “THESE OLD THINGS? PLEASE TAKE!” With trembling fingers, reach around to the clasps at the base of your neck. Unhook one necklace and let it land in your other hand. Make a fist and place the necklace in it into the stranger’s waiting palm. Smile as you remind yourself that whichever necklace you gave her, all things are impermanent, and a human lifetime is a mere flicker in the grand scheme of the cosmos. Yaaas.And don’t forget, thrift stores are also a great place to load up on picture frames and mugs! ♦
Hi, thrifters! You’ve probably just come from the thrift store and are wondering, O.K., I nabbed this fantastic second-chapter treasure, but how do I wear it? HOW DO I WEAR THE NEW OLD CLOTHES I’VE BOUGHT?! HOW??? Don’t worry! We’ve got style tips for you.
Take the bottom hem of that A-line skirt and twist it into a point. Twist, twist, twist! Now grab a hair tie (I know!) and wrap it around the point. Pull that over the top of the waistband and down until your full underpants are showing. You did it! Go, girl!
Your almost perfect wedding-guest dress is missing a thread of beads. Not to worry! Cover up those five to a hundred missing beads with a sticker from your favorite nonprofit organization. Now the groomsmen will know two things—that you are fiiine, giiirl, and that you give five dollars a month to the N.R.D.C.
OMG, you found a gorgeous wool jacket, but it’s a little stuffy. Unbutton it, and invert the sleeves. Reach around and pull its hood through. Rest the hood on your shoulder, place your wallet and your keys in the jacket hammock you’ve created, and rock your totally original shoooulder baaag—but keep an eye on the ground ’cause your wallet and keys will fall out.
Take those designer jeans (thank you very much!) and lay them on a baking sheet. Sprinkle lightly with sea salt and leave them in the sun for anywhere between four days and two weeks. Never wash them—it is so important that you never wash them, girrrl!
Shoes one size too big? No problem. Cut the bottom two inches off your winter coats so all the stuffing falls out. Put toilet paper in your shoes. O.K., supermodel!
Shake up the stiff formality of those new country-club khakis by drawing some cartoon bears on the thighs with a navy Bic pen. Or cartoon cars. Or unicorns. Or just some big eyes. Queen!
Supes cute sundress! Tuck its hem into the top of your yoga pants so that the dress bulges, creating the illusion of an oblate spheroid. Strut that runway with your arms and legs poking out of your thorax and looking sooo long!
Could your dress use more shape? Easy! Take a wide belt and wrap it around the top of your right thigh. Slip a knife in there. Step into the dress and wear it as is, but with a hat. Now you’re prepared for the sun, a big meal, and unsuspecting marauders. Hawt!
Turn that knitted hat into a skirt—YES, I SAID IT—by stapling the hat to a skirt. Look at it. Look what you’ve made! Think about it. Think about your hat-skirt, and also whether you’ve created something fabulous or just stepped into a black hole of confusion and waste. I know you miss wearing T-shirts. I know you do. But you can’t anymore—you’re a woman now, and you have to elevate. You’re a woman, giiirl. Meow.
Put on five necklaces. Make sure that four of them are costume jewelry you dug out of a fishbowl at the thrift store, and that one was your grandmother’s, passed down to you through generations, and full of personal meaning and familial significance. If a stranger in a restaurant bathroom says, “I love your necklaces,” respond quickly with, “THESE OLD THINGS? PLEASE TAKE!” With trembling fingers, reach around to the clasps at the base of your neck. Unhook one necklace and let it land in your other hand. Make a fist and place the necklace in it into the stranger’s waiting palm. Smile as you remind yourself that whichever necklace you gave her, all things are impermanent, and a human lifetime is a mere flicker in the grand scheme of the cosmos. Yaaas.
And don’t forget, thrift stores are also a great place to load up on picture frames and mugs! ♦
