How to Quiet Your Inner Critic

We all have an inner critic. That’s not a bad thing, on its own. In fact, that little voice prodding you to finish your work before EOD and hit the gym on your way home is one of the things that keeps your life from flying off the rails.

But sometimes your inner critic acts more like an inner heckler. You’re probably familiar with what professionals call negative self-talk: It’s internal commentary, but of the stripe that feels unnecessarily harsh, judgemental, and critical. And it has real consequences. “Negative self-talk is a common barrier to mental well-being, and these forms of inner dialogue can hold us back by reinforcing self-doubt and anxiety,” says Ronald Hoang, a registered clinical counsellor and psychotherapist.

One of the most pernicious qualities of negative self-talk is that it is typically years in the making—often stemming from external comments or criticism we received and internalized early on. But in the short term, there are ways to turn down the volume—and, eventually, switch out our more punishing narratives for something more positive. Mostly. “The goal is not to never have negative self-talk ever again, but rather to help us be with the self-talk differently,” says Steven Floyd, LCSW, CASAC, a psychotherapist based in New York, NY.

“Overcoming negative self-talk requires mindfulness, awareness, and practice. Using these strategies, you can reframe your inner dialogue and build a healthier, more supportive relationship with yourself,” says Hoang. “Each step helps create a more resilient mindset, empowering you to navigate challenges with greater ease and confidence.”

Take inventory of your negative self-talk

The first step in tackling negative self-talk is to tune into its frequency and start paying attention. “Many times, we are so wrapped up in automatic processing of events in our lives that we aren't actually aware of the content of our thoughts,” says Nathan Baumann, PhD, a clinical psychologist based in Denver, CO.

Dr. Baumann recommends making a note each time you experience negative self-talk, ideally using a journal. These notes will be helpful later, but for now, all you’re doing is taking stock: gaining a better understanding of how you speak to yourself, and identifying any recurring themes.

“Because our thoughts create our emotions, and our emotions drive our behavior, it's important to intervene before that cascade occurs,” says Lauren Farina, MSW, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist, performance coach, and founder of Invited Psychotherapy and Coaching. “I encourage my clients to notice when they feel emotional distress, then write the thought down. This awareness is often enough for us to recognize the maladaptive nature of a thought and stop it in its tracks.” The sooner you start monitoring your negative self-talk, the sooner you can begin adjusting your inner monologue.

Try to understand where it came from

Now that you’re keeping tabs on your negative self-talk, it’s a lot easier to look at it holistically—and objectively. “Negative self-talk thrives when we treat it as fact. Instead, approach it with curiosity,” says Floyd. “Psychological flexibility—the ability to observe your thoughts without rigid attachment—is a cornerstone of mental health.”

Negative self-talk tends to fall into one of two categories: rumination about past mistakes and worry about future uncertainties. But it almost always originates from external sources. “When you look a little deeper, negative self-talk typically comes from voices we heard while growing up,” says Frank Anderson, MD, a Harvard-trained psychiatrist, psychotherapist, and trauma specialist. “Maybe it's on the playground. Maybe it's on the sports field. Maybe it's from a critical parent.”

In the same way that our bodies use unpleasant sensations or memories to deter us from things that may cause us harm, negative self-talk serves the theoretically noble purpose of protecting us from a perceived danger, says Dr. Anderson. “This is the piece that most people aren't aware of,” he says. “We use that negative information to help protect ourselves.” Once we realize that our self-talk is essentially a self-defense mechanism, we can begin to reframe our relationship with it. “The more you listen, and the more you understand the origins, the more relaxed these thoughts become,” says Dr. Anderson.

Put a positive spin on it

While understanding the origin and purpose of your negative self-talk can help soften its impact, proactively countering negative thoughts with positive reinforcement is even better. “This practice takes some bravery and willingness, but in the long run it acts as a direct and immediate refutation to negative self-talk as a habit, and can transform the automatic process that we've created,” says Dr. Baumann.

Organizational psychologist Etty Burk, PhD recommends swapping out harsh, all-or-nothing statements like “I can’t do anything right” with something more realistic, like “That didn’t go as planned, but I’ve handled worse.” The idea isn’t to fully counter your negative thoughts, but to soften them. “When your mind starts playing the ‘I’m such a failure’ soundtrack, pause and ask yourself, ‘Is this really true?’ Chances are, it’s not,” she says. “A little perspective goes a long way.”

Rather than playing self-talk Whack-a-Mole throughout the day, Regina Lazarovich, PhD, clinical psychologist and founder of Compass CBT, recommends a more pre-emptive approach, called cognitive restructuring, that involves anticipating specific negative self-talk in advance.

Here’s how it works: Grab your journal and pull up a list of your most common negative self-talk. Next, compare that with a list of common cognitive distortions, and label the ones that show up for each automatic thought. (Common cognitive distortions include all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralizing, catastrophizing, and labeling.) “The final step is to ‘restructure’ or rewrite each automatic thought in a more rational and helpful way,” she says.

Keep working at it

As you might imagine, steering years of negative self-talk in a more positive direction takes time—but not forever. For former sprinter Natasha Hastings, who had to overcome negative self-talk on her path to winning two Olympic golds, the process of monitoring, reframing, and affirming was worth the grind. “It was sort of the turnaround for my personal career and my professional career—identifying that I was speaking to myself negatively, and the process of changing that language towards myself,” she says.

Hastings remembers a cold, rainy race back in 2013. Lining up, she fixated on how the poor weather might affect her performance. She wasn’t happy with her lane, either. Then her self-talk training kicked in. Hastings reminded herself that everyone was competing in the same conditions, and reaffirmed to herself that she was worthy, a champion, and deserving of success.

The results spoke for themselves. “That was the best race that I'd had in probably five or six years,” says Hastings, who now serves as a licensed professional counsellor associate on the University of South Carolina’s mental health and performance team. “That race was sort of like the unlock for what would be the rest of my career, in terms of seeing the power of how I speak to myself and taking control of that,” she says.

“Having done the work for months before, getting to that track meet and being able to put that practice into play, that was the unlock,” says Hastings. “As an athlete, I go out to the track every day and put in the physical reps, and it's equally important to do those mental repetitions—that mental rehearsal of the way you want to speak to yourself.”