31 Ways to Get Your Life Together

Here at GQ, we’re the first to tell you that thinking about the bleeding edge of wellness is fun and interesting. What’s the perfect heart rate to improve your lactate threshold? Why, exactly, is processed food bad for you? What unregulated chemicals are people injecting this time? We could go all day.

But when it comes to actually improving your life, contemporary wellness culture’s fixation on extremes and novelty can get in the way of taking action. If you’re working on your mental and physical health (and related domains of well-being like your personal care, relationships, and financial picture), doing anything at all is so much better than doing nothing—and, in our experience, perfectionist fixation on marginal gains often leads to the latter state.

So we (and some of our most trusted expert friends) assembled a list of manageable and practical suggestions for dealing with life’s challenges. None of these will apply to every person. But if you’re ever feeling like you need to get your life together, one or two might help you.

It is easy to feel like the events of your life are only subject to the big forces: maybe the decades-long trend of housing costs rising faster than wages, perhaps the fact that we’re all just collections of stardust in an extremely temporary arrangement. But whether or not free will exists (we will leave it to the theologians), the research is pretty clear that’s it’s better for your general well-being if you at least act like you’re in control of the major happenings in your life—if you cultivate an external rather than an internal locus of control, as you may remember from undergrad psychology. If you’ve got a problem, or something is bumming you out, you will probably be happier if you figure out a way to do something about it, even if it’s a small action and seems pointless before you start.

Vox writer (and GQ contributor) Rachel Cohen recently observed that old-fashioned charity has seemingly gone out of style, as we have become convinced that “volunteering, donating, and modifying one’s personal behavior were, at best, unproductive; at worst, they were harmful distractions from the change we really need.” She identifies several problems with this logic, but a big one is that helping out is beneficial for the person lending a hand. And it’s true: Taking action is often much more interesting (and feels so much better) than just dwelling on our problems.

Mad about the environment? Look at the great climate-focused pub Heatmap’s guide to making a difference in a realistic way. Terrified about the political situation? Find a candidate you like and support their election (or policy priorities), perhaps by making some calls—or go get loud at a protest.

“A common misconception is that you need to feel good to get going, but often it's the other way around: You need to get going to give yourself a chance at feeling good. This is called ‘behavioral activation’ and it demonstrates that motivation often follows action, not the other way around. This is why it's so important to just get started on the things that matter to you and give yourself a chance. You don't think or talk or dream yourself into the person you want to become, you act yourself into it. —Brad Stulberg, best-selling author of The Practice of Groundedness and Master of Change

Say you’re avoiding dealing with something—a tax headache, a Mr. Porter return, breaking up with Hannah Hinge, who is really nice? Here’s an old trick: Set a five-minute timer with the understanding that you’re allowed to quit when your iPhone starts chirping, but that you have to work at your task until it does. You probably won’t quit at the cutoff. If you do, that’s probably a sign that there’s something bigger going on that you’re going to have to get to the root of.

CBT is one of the most common forms of psychological treatment—it's the gold standard. It also has some haters. (This is partially just because it’s so popular, like the Eagles or Sally Rooney.) But this method of interrogating and reframing negative patterns of thinking, often in written worksheets, has been demonstrated to be effective, and even the nastiest CBT opp would (or should) acknowledge that it’s better than nothing.

If that sounds interesting, get a workbook, read the thinking behind the method, and follow the instructions. It doesn’t really matter that much which author or book you pick, but William Knaus is popular (he has versions for anxiety and depression), Feeling Good is the OG, and many people like Mind Over Mood. But: You have to actually do the worksheets! Knowing a few CBT terms, “be positive,” yadda yadda—this is not remotely the same as actually sitting down and writing your thoughts down. And if you know the worksheets would help but, for whatever reason, you find them too tough to complete on your own? That’s a great thing to talk through with a therapist in a first session.

“The mind needs mental exercise the same way the body needs physical exercise. Meditation is a very simple way to do this and you can start with just a few minutes each day. What’s most important is to be consistent. It’s easier to do that when you start with just a few minutes instead of starting off with a grand aspiration of meditating for 30 minutes every day. Just like you stop getting physical benefits if you stop going to the gym, if you stop meditating, the benefits won’t persist. It needs to be done consistently and long-term.” —Dr. Richard J. Davidson, founder and director of the Center for Healthy Minds at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and the founder and chief visionary for Healthy Minds Innovations, Inc

The smartphone mental health panic has lately been focused on kids, but these devices can’t be great for adults either, because it’s clear that lots of people truly want to spend less time on their phones but have trouble acting on that intention. If that’s you, keep trying—there’s no one solution. The writer Brad Stullberg (see suggestion 3) once told GQ he has a burner flip phone to use on Saturdays. GQ wellness columnist Joe Holder puts his in a lockbox. Who knows what will work for you—maybe putting the thing in black and white for a week, or really using the built-in screen time features (they’re pretty good these days), or finally committing to charging it in a different room from where you sleep.

“It's so important to have uninterrupted time just to read, whether it's long magazine stories or books. I like to always have one physical book that I'm reading and one audio book that I'm listening to. Ideally, I finish one or the other every week. For folks who are having a hard time finding a good book or getting started, I recommend picking up three. Then put your phone in a different room and promise yourself you won't touch it for an hour. Start one of the books and switch if it's not right. You'll probably find one you love—and then you'll want to cancel other obligations to find more time to read.” —Nicholas Thompson, CEO of The Atlantic

The clean-your-room poster boy is unfortunately Jordan Peterson, but a stopped clock is right twice a day, some clichés contain a deeper, elemental wisdom, and there’s a reason so many movies show a sad-sack dude in a cleaning montage before he gets the girl. So spend an hour neatening up—and consider picking up a copy of the classic tome Home Comforts to figure out how to really level up your housekeeping.

Willpower is the most overrated force in the universe. It’s just not possible to make yourself do a workout you don’t enjoy (on some level), at least not indefinitely. Is it annoying that fitness nuts enjoy working out? Yes. Are they faking it? No. So what’s it going to be for you? Pickup basketball? Hikes for birdwatching? Riding bikes to get dinner? It doesn’t have to be that tough: Easy consistency is so much better for you than Instagramable hero efforts a few times a month.

It’s borderline startling how good simply walking is for mental and physical health.

If you’re already moving fairly consistently and you need more stimulus (or walking just feels boring), figure out how to push yourself. Compete in a powerlifting meet? Yes. Do a plank every day for 120 days? You betcha. Complete the Murph? Absolutely. The exact details are up to you, though we’d recommend making a goal that’s specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound—SMART. Not “work out more,” but “go to Crunch twice a week in October” or “do the novice program in Starting Strength for three months.”

And follow a training plan—it doesn’t really matter which one, but maybe try Hal Higdon if you’re a beginner or Jack Daniels if you want to get faster. Working consistently to peak a few months from now is the best way to provide some accountability and structure to your running.

“The biggest mistake I see runners make is running too fast. It’s because running fast is more fun than slow jogging, I get it, but if you want to maintain a pace for a long amount of time, you should be running at 60% effort with your heart rate at 150 beats per minute or lower. Anything beyond that is too fast. This is also how you avoid injury, whether it’s getting stitches in your side, knee pain, ankle pain, or foot pain.” —Kai Ng, USATF and RRCA certified running coach

If you snore and wake up disoriented—or otherwise show some warning signs for sleep apnea—see a doctor and get assessed for a sleep study. If you’re having more ordinary problems with insomnia, consider a sleep cognitive behavioral therapy program, which has been shown to be more effective than sleeping medication.

Ultra-processed foods are the current nutritional bogeyman, which is “as close to being right as conventional wisdom about diets has ever gotten,” according to the great nutrition writer Tamar Haspel. This is a drag, in some ways: When Annie’s mac and cheese was “healthy,” ignorance was bliss. But this new way of thinking comes with some upsides: It’s maybe not exactly the case that you can eat whatever you want if you cook it yourself from scratch, but you could do much, much worse as a rule of thumb.

“So many men focus solely on building muscle or losing weight, but they often overlook the importance of balancing their blood sugar and insulin levels. Chronic high blood sugar and insulin resistance can lead to a host of issues like weight gain, decreased energy, and an increased risk of chronic diseases such as diabetes, heart disease, and even Alzheimer’s. By focusing on a whole-food, low-glycemic diet rich in healthy fats, high-quality protein, and lots of vegetables, men can not only improve their metabolic health but also enhance their overall well-being and longevity.” —Mark Hyman, MD, founder and senior adviser for the Cleveland Clinic Center for Functional Medicine and host of the Health Hacks podcast

Not every day! At least, not necessarily. Just tomorrow.

“Meal prepping for the entire week may look good on social media, but the reality is that you’re going to get sick of that food midweek. Meal prep for three days and then halfway through the week, switch up your protein or other ingredients so your meals taste fresher and are more exciting. Meal prepping twice a week sounds daunting, but it really only takes 30 minutes to meal prep for three days. You’ll see that it cuts down on food waste, too, because you end up throwing less away.” —Kevin Curry, author and founder of Fit Men Cook

If you’re ready, that is. First, figure out where your personal financial situation fits into this giant flow chart prepared by the extremely fastidious posters on personal finance Reddit. You may have to untangle your priorities: Heaven forbid you’re paying off a low-interest student loan before you harvest your employer’s match on contributions to retirement accounts. But once you’re set, you’ll know what’s next to level up your financial situation—and you’ll also be able to see 10 steps ahead.

“The key to building wealth is by creating automatic behaviors. I don’t care if it’s just $50 or $100 a month, just start the process of having an automatic investment either go into your Roth IRA or an individual investment account. That way, your money has the opportunity to grow. People will be shocked to learn that if you start early enough, 85% to 90% of their retirement account is actually the growth of the account, not their contributions. But you have to give it enough time to compound interest and growth to do its magic.” —Brian Preston, CPA, CFP, PFS, founder and host of The Money Guy podcast and author of Millionaire Mission.

Did you get Peacock just to watch the Olympics? Download a hiking app for a vacation in June? Don’t let that charge hit even one more time!

You don’t even have to ask for anything. Do you enjoy someone’s article, or look book, or puppet show? Drop a note to say so! But if you have something to ask for, shoot your shot respectfully: It should be quick and realistic, and make it clear that you’re making a personalized request of a specific person, not spamming everyone you can think of. And don’t use Chat GPT—it’s rude even if they can’t tell.

Wash your face with a dedicated cleanser, not bodywash or hand soap. Your deodorant should not be leaving you with a burning and itching sensation. You don’t have to live with ingrown hairs. If you’ve got splotches or bumps, try the dermatologist; if your toenails hurt, see a podiatrist.

“The number one habit men can do to keep their skin healthy as it ages is to put on sunscreen. In general, sunscreen use is not hugely popular among men. Purchase a sunscreen with at least SPF 30 and put it on your face every day, even if you aren’t going out in the sun.” —Muneeb Shah, DO, FAAD, dermatologist and founder of Remedy Science

Hit the group chat and make a plan to see Gladiator II on opening night—at the good theater with the recliners, because you ball. Get concert tickets or a dinner reservation and ask someone who would enjoy your company—romantically or otherwise—to fill the extra seat. Maybe even throw a party.

27. Have slower sex.

“Practice going slower every time you have sex. Sex goes way too fast, especially if you’re having sex with a woman. I also think sex that’s goal-oriented toward orgasm—either your own or your partner’s—can make you miss out on the slowness of sex, which includes an exploratory nature of learning what feels good. Our body has so much wisdom, but we often override it because we’re in our head. It’s important to slow down and notice what you’re feeling.” —Emily Morse, sex therapist, author, and host of the Sex With Emily podcast

If you’ve got nagging, recurrent discomfort, stamp it out by building strength in your core. If you’re experiencing acute, immediate pain, avoid aggravating it, but resume normal activity after a few days—and go to the doctor if it sticks around for more than two weeks or is otherwise alarming. In either case, you’ll want to do recovery and prevention exercises like the ones you’ll find in Back Mechanic.

Post-pandemic, many people are stuck between antivax lunatics eating bull testicles and the COVID maximalists who see no trade-offs for measures like masking in public. As a result, the plain-vanilla, establishment-endorsed standard of medical care is somehow underrated. Which is funny, because a version of the normal blood work most doctors run at an annual physical is also getting passed off by a few startups as some high-frequency biohacking miracle. It’s not—but an annual physical is still a good idea.

“If you’ve experienced hurt from someone, take space and time to take care of yourself. Once you feel like you have what you need, then you can turn your attention back to the person who wronged you. Reflect on the conditions that caused that hurt. Consider the hurt the person must be in to cause hurt in others. That’s a practice of empathy. Think about how you could have hurt them due to how you were feeling in the moment. Contextualizing hurt in this way can really soften how you’re feeling toward them.” —Lama Rod Owens, Buddhist minister, author, and activist

31. Quit.

Drinking? Smoking? DraftKings? That terrible job? Whatever just popped into your head: Think hard about how much your life would improve without it. Maybe it’s time. Get some help if you need it.